Overcoming Lonliness and Moving to Connection

                                                    

This is the time of the year when we are very aware of numerous celebrations. Thanksgiving has just passed, Chanuka finished, soon Christmas and New Year will be upon us. In the middle of all the celebrations we can feel very isolated. Holidays bring back memories, sights and sounds, colors, smells and voices of the past can be remembered and felt. Sometimes when I have passed a home and there is someone cooking brisket or chicken soup, the smell takes me back to my childhood. I can hear my Granny's voice calling from upstairs when I rang the doorbell on a Friday night, tired and cold walking up the steps to their second floor condominium in Chicago, a blast of hot air would steam up my glasses and the smell would make my mouth water, warm air, warm hands and warm embrace. Then for a fleeting moment I can feel her soft and gentle arms around me and once again I am 10 years old.

All from a scent......I am so grateful for these sweet memories. It isn't possible to recreate these moments again, I can only acknowledge that I miss her, feel the lonliness, acknowledge my loss and then I can move forward. Depending on where we live and what developmental stage we are in our life our life will look and feel different with each holiday season.  Not everyone may be able to attend a gathering, there are usually changes in a family, new additions, babies, children, partners, or pets, someone who is not there due to illness, seperation, divorce, or relocation.  Perhaps different food,  new customs, everyone is a year older, then again there may be the same arguments or familar family story. I remember almost every holiday gathering at my Dads parent's home my Grandpa at some point would take out his mandolin and serenade the family with his rendition of "I love you truly" All the grandchildren waited for this, the dinner wouldn't be complete, of course, we would try not to laugh and always practically choked on our food. Grandpa sang with such passion but he sang so off key, we waited for this familiar and funny ritual.


Allow yourself to remember what once was, keep your heart open and then create new rituals or celebrations.....move toward connecting .....isolation leads to alienation, as human beings this can become our enemy fueling a deeper sense of  lonliness and isolation. Stay connected....we are truly all part of the same family. We all want and long for the same thing:

"To love and be loved"